Three commonly asked questions as clinical psychologists working with parents and families:

1. Why am I feeling so anxious as a new mum?

Increased anxiety during parenthood, especially during the early months, is both normal and expected. Not only are we adjusting to this enormous transition and all of the added demand that comes with it, but we now know that our brains are also undergoing considerable changes which leave us more sensitive to danger. It is thought that this is an evolutionary shift that helps us to care and protect our baby, however in our modern world it can leave us with a sense of heightened anxiety and worry. Many parents tell us that they notice themselves ‘catastrophising’ i.e. imagining the most terrible things that could possibly happen to them or to their baby. It is also very common to experience what we call ‘intrusive thoughts’, which are often distressing thoughts about harm or danger. This is all happening as we are figuring out how to care for our new baby, recovering ourselves physically and psychologically, and often in the context of poor sleep. As psychologists we believe that it is firstly crucial to normalise these experiences, so that new parents are not left feeling alone or that they are going crazy. It is also important to consider what might be helpful to manage this anxiety – and this will look different for everyone but might include talking to those close to you, asking for help and support, and finding calming or relaxation strategies that work for you.
When anxiety is having a really big impact on your day to day life, it can be helpful to look for extra support by speaking to your GP, public health nurse, or maternity hospital.
At Cradle we also support new parents via our one to one therapy service.

2. Am I doing enough to bond with my baby?

In our experience, parents can put themselves under enormous pressure when it comes to bonding and connecting with their baby. Many of us have come across terms like ‘secure’ and ‘insecure’ attachment and this might make us feel as though we need to work very hard to ensure that we are creating an optimal relationship with our baby. But being a parent is busy and demanding, and so we can be left feeling guilty when there are inevitable periods during the day where we need to get jobs done, or maybe when we are so tired ourselves that we may not be able to engage 100% with the type of very deliberate ‘bonding’ that we feel like we are supposed to.

Here at Cradle we really want to take that pressure off parents – because more than likely you are already doing more than enough to bond with your baby! Bonding is in the little things, the little everyday moments of touch and eye contact and rocking and play. Your baby does not need for those moments of attunement to be happening all day every day – in most homes that is just not going to be realistic! Attachment is actually a rather complex clinical concept that relates primarily to situations where there are significant factors that might impact upon the baby and caregiver experience. For most people, being a ‘good enough’ parent is absolutely good enough.

3. When do I need to worry about developmental milestones?

As psychologists, one of our roles is in supporting families in relation to concerns they might have about their baby or child’s development. During these conversations we will often ask about ‘milestones’ – depending on your baby’s age this can include physical milestones, cognitive milestones, social milestones, and communication milestones. You will also be asked about these areas during checks with your public health nurse, and maybe also by other healthcare professionals. We notice in our work that the idea of developmental milestones can trigger some anxiety in parents – which is very understandable because they can often be framed as very concrete or definite markers of ‘healthy’ development. But just like anything else in life, the development of particular skills is highly individualised and can be dependent on a range of different factors. When we ask parents about milestones we are seeking to understand the global or overall story of your child’s development, primarily so that we can make sure to provide the best advice or support where this might be needed. The reaching of particular milestones at particular times is very rarely a reflection of anything parents are doing or not doing, however sometimes we will support parents by encouraging them to create opportunities for children to practice certain skills in realistic and low pressure ways. We know that parenting is already demanding and that anxiety about our children is common (see the first question!), so a psychologist’s role should be to engage with parents around milestones in a supportive, encouraging, and helpful way.

Here at Cradle Psychology we provide 1:1 parent advice consultations, psychological therapy for parents, psychological intervention for children, and psychological clinical assessment for children. Contact us on hello@cradlepsychology.com, visit us on cradlepsychology.com, or follow on Instagram @cradle.psychology for more information about our services. Cradle
Psychology is run by chartered senior clinical psychologists Dr Johanna Clancy and Dr Marese McDonnell.